she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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