we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
