Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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