FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
