I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
