Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
