this beer tastes like vomit already
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
