3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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