Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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