Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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