Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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