don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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