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just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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