yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
