Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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