i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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