Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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