How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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