i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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