i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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