I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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