please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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