definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Randomize
