I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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