Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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