my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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