You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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