I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
