Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I had to cum in my sink.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize