my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize