Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
