Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
