Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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