I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
