he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
