The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Text me some of your sweat
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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