It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Randomize
