So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
