ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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