are you still at the devil's house?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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