No stitches, just platelets and will power
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
