so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
