dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
