Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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