so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
