I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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