I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize