Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
