guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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