It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
