His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
