dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
As shirtless as possible
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize