Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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