I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
