I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize