What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
