Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
it was like having sex with a tree stump
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
