Non-Jews are for practice
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
