she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
