i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
