just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
