How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
