He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You ate ashes out of my bong
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
