NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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