she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The ass gains better be worth it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
