I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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