I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
