I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
