i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
