I cockslap morals
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize