I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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