I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
