Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
