I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
