so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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