I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize