epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
