Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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