We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
