i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
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