Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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