he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
