I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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