nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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