I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
