Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Randomize
