come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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