hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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