I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
