It's just like the Real World with babies
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
