We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
