i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
