wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
